I've had a Bank of America account for a larger percentage of my life than I haven't. Seriously, I've been there since 1995. Back when I first went there I was a bitter, angst-ridden fatso with scruffy hair and bad skin, as opposed to now when I'm... well... essentially the same, but with slightly greying facial hair. What was my point again? Oh, yeah. Here goes.
     When I had collected enough money in my adolescence to warrant my first lesson in managing money, my mother took 16 year-old me to the local Bank of America and I opened up "Baby's 1st checking account". I've had this account ever since. In case you haven't been paying attention, I'm not a very sentimental guy, however, I've always had a bit of a soft spot for this event and my bank account, much like my weight, has grown and shrunk over the years. 
     Now I want out.
     If there is one thing that had become common knowledge in the last few years, it's that as a collective, Bank of America is an unconscionably evil place and very much to blame for much of out country's rapid transformation from empire to sun-dried fecal matter on the side of the highway. As a vaguely associated offshoot of the Occupy Wall St. movement, people are being encouraged to pull their money out of the mega-banks and into banks and credit unions less responsible for pushing the majority of the american public down the stairs that we are currently looking up at them from the bottom of. This is all supposed to happen on Saturday, November 5th, which I think means that it has something to do with Guy Fawkes day. As much as my opinion of the Occupy Wall St. had been more contemptuous than most (White people who are right about something but have dreadlocks are still wrong as far as I'm concerned), I really do like this idea. It's a solid piece of protest that is not merely symbolic and hits them where it hurts. As a result of this, it's something I can get behind. However, this is not as easy to do as one might think. Now, when I say that it's not easy to close out my bank account, it's probably not for the reasons that most people think that such a thing is difficult. 
     Firstly, I'm not totally sure which bank I'd want to put my money into. I am well aware that these people who run these banks are far smarter than I and that the American government are more than happy to bend rules in order to make them happy. I just don't want to put my money into a new bank and then find out that it's some fake version of a small town bank, like how Jason Reitman and Diablo Cody direct and write fake indie movies.
     Also, these days I am primarily paid via Paypal, which is tethered to my bank account. I'd rather not say how I make most of my money these says (It rhymes with "Jand Hobs") , but my bank account it really important for that. 
     Finally, and most importantly, I just got a whole bunch of new cheques. Now, before you get all judgmental about my decision to betray my principals for convenience, I should mention that these cheques of which I speak have Superman on them.
     Still not satisfied?
     Fine then. In that case, tell me where I should put my money. Seriously. I'm very easily influenced.
However, if there are Superman cheques to be had, I'd certainly prefer it. 
     I have never been more proud of being a Bank of America customer than I am today. I say this because today they announced that starting soon, they will be charging customers $5 a month to use their debit cards. You see, starting Oct. 1, a government regulation will be put in place that will cap the fees that banks can collect from merchants whenever customers swipe their debit cards. In layman's terms, it's going from "Super-duper high" to merely "Super high". Seeing as how their avarice would not let them get away with not making quite as much money as they did before, they came up with a pretty sweet way of having that not happen. 
     This is all well and good, but what I really want to congratulate them on is their ability to read the American public. They took a look down at the great, unwashed masses below and realized that these are people who clearly are really excited at the prospect of giving away even more money from their practically overflowing bank accounts to the exact people who helped lead them to near financial ruin. Everywhere you look you can see that the economy is booming, jobs are plentiful and everyone is just doing great. Obviously, giving away an extra $60 a year that would have just gone to pay for another one of those Brookstone automated foot massagers is a great idea. I mean, it's not like we all need a FOURTH one of those, right. 
     Well done, Bank of America. You are clearly a great cultural thermometer. Our nation's anger and distrust put in monetary form? That''s the mercury that fills you .
     Anyone have any other banks they like?