(From a distance) "Those aren't dreads, are they? I think that's just some kind of stupid hat right?... Nope, those are totally dreadlocks. Big, stupid dreadlocks."
"I can't freakin' believe that a hot girl would voluntarily be seen in public with a guy like that. What the hell it wrong with our world? A white man with dreadlocks barely deserves the same rights that are afforded the rest of us. When you make a decision that willfully stupid, you should forfeit virtually all rights you have. The effort it takes to look that dumb alone is cause for at least a public flogging or two, right? And here this douche is with a hot chick on his arm. Why was I born on this planet? Couldn't I have lived on some planet or in some time where white guys who are into reggae are used exclusively for medical tests. Medical tests involving broken glass and ocular cavities? I swear, I can't take it any longer. ARGHHHH!"
"He must be someone famous, like a rock star in one of those rap-metal bands or something. There's really no other alternative, right? Maybe they started dating back when he was only kind of buffoonish, then he grew his hair like that, became full blown buffoon and she just can't gather the strength to break up with him. After all, who wants to hurt the feelings of a mentally challenged man? Also, it might be possible that this guy is an actor who has recently been awarded the role of "White schmuck #2" in Judd Apatow's latest piece of shit and HAD to grow it. Maybe he lost a bet or is allergic to shampoo AND combs. Who knows."
"Still, it's more than likely that none of those are the case. He's probably just some moron who's sub-cultured rap worked on some near-equally dumb girl. I mean, just because that girl is cute does not make her cool or smart or nice. Frankly, more often than not, it excludes those traits. But that's not fair. It's just not right that someone capable of creating that kind of follicle mishap intentionally should be rewarded. Look at that guy, he looks absolutely thrilled. Why does this guy get to be happy while so many other deserving people capable of class and dignity in their self-appearance are left to suffer? How does something go so wrong? It is gradual, or does it happen all at once? I'm sure that Adam Duritz of the Counting Crows has something to do with it. After all, he proved that you can be portly, lame and as white as a bowl of oatmeal, wear dreads and STILL bang every bubble-brain who ever had a sitcom on a major network in the 90's. Perhaps he's "Patient Zero" of this whole, sad affair. Clearly, the only way to bring our planet back from the presipice of doom is to find him, remove him from the vagina of that would-be actress that I know he's in right now and scalp him Cherokee Warrior-style. Eh, who am I kidding, the damage is done. As long as I live, I'll be forced to see this image in public and weep for what this world has become."
Well, I guess that I don't go through ALL the stages. Four out of five ain't bad, right?